i really, really, really need something to get my mind off of everything. my mind literally feels like it is traveling 1000 miles per minute. i hate it. anyone have any ideas? because i don't.
because i want to complain more, i'll do just that. i haven't been feeling well for a while. a long while. i'm consistently exhausted and i am frequently dizzy and headach-y. i can't remember the last time i had any kind of normal energy. i am extremely pissed off at the amount of time i need to sleep. especially since it doesn't really seem to be helping anything. it makes my life a total waste if i only have 3 hours of free time a day. i'm nervous about what working 9-5 is going to do to me. i'll just have to get to bed earlier, I guess. which leaves me the same exact amount of free time per day. there were a couple of days recently where I got 7 or 8 hours of sleep and I thought I was going to die.
what else can i complain about? the fact that i am in a bad mood. that annoys me.
the fact that i wish there was a person who could stand talking to me every day, since i would love to talk to a person every day. i would love that beyond words.
the fact that my brain gets overloaded with crap and it makes me get in a mood like i am in now.
the fact that i sort of wish i was nonexistent right now or at least didn't have the capacity to think. maybe i could be a bird. that would be ok. but i would be a quiet one because i am a quiet person and i like quiet things.
there is apparently a remake of the omen that is coming out, which is weird because i was just talking about that last night to tom. this is going to be confusing because i was just going to talk about how i kind of miss tom today but i meant tom d. maybe i should call tom d. library tom or something. because they are bound to overlap in at least one blog entry. for instance, this one right here. i wouldn't be sure what to call tom p. cat tom (which is interesting in multiple ways) or music tom, or funny tom. but that makes library tom sound like he's not funny, and he is. i could also call them madison tom and philadelphia tom. that would probably work better. well, the fact is that i mentioned the omen to philadelphia tom yesterday, and today i sort of miss madison tom, but not really that much. only because i'm in a general bad mood and in the past year that has basically been synonymous with missing madison tom. so, i guess i don't really miss him, but it's one of those things that's kind of ingrained into my behaviour.
what was the point of that entire last paragraph?
well, to go on, i wonder what madison tom is doing. i have many times fought the urge to nonchalantly contact an intermediary, such as jessica. i'm sure she has seen him lately. but, i'd probably kill myself if i found out he was married or something. i am not ready for that type of information. something that would be cool to hear: "he's ok, but he's really depressed, because you are gone." that would be fine. i'd like to think he was at least slightly sad to see me go. one of my biggest dreams is for someone i know to just talk to him and then tell me what he said. especially if said person went and talked to him about me, because i'd be so interested in what he would say. i bet he wouldn't say anything at all. he was never the type of person to talk about others. he would only ever talk about me with me. i wonder if he ever thinks about me. i hope so. god, i wish i could talk to him.
what a horrible thing.
I WILL GET OVER HIM. someday. hopefully soon.
i left the library exactly a year ago, to the day.
i can't believe how different my life is now, and how different the world seems in general. for one thing, it's the end of may and it's cold out. a year ago it was friggin' boiling. i remember it being very humid.
one thing i would really enjoy is if i went to work tomorrow and had enough work to last me the entire day. is that too much to ask? some days i go there and finish everything in half an hour. those days suck. today i finished everything in about 6 hours. that's about normal. then i wrote email and chatted on gmail for 2 hours. i felt kind of bad, but not really.
my manager said she trusts me today. um, thanks. i also made her laugh a lot by doing a weird raising eyebrow motion. i don't know why that was so funny.
she said she was going to give lance, the new guy, a "mentor" and i hope she picks me because that would make me feel important.
oh man, last friday i made the discovery of a lifetime at work. i can't explain it because it's too involved, but it was a hotline issue that everyone was completely stumped about. i happened to look at it in a certain way where i figured it out pretty quickly. i was very proud of myself. i felt smart at that moment.
we're going to get a new person in july and october. please, god, please let them hire a young person. i can see that happening. she's going to start interviewing now. people are graduating, so it looks promising. actually, i started in october, so that might happen as well.
something i really love: english language
another thing i really love: england
something else: ben gibbard
do de do...
i signed up for netflix yesterday. should be interesting. and more cheap than ordering movies on on demand. it will also be nice to have a selection that's approx. 23403597 bigger than on demand. for instance, my first order is this obscure michael shanks movie from like 1995. called door to door. some other primary selections were other cillian murphy movies and other elijah wood ones i haven't seen yet. i found one that stars elijah wood and charlie hunnam. geeeeeeeee! charlie hunnam. :D i forgot about that kid.
hey laura, remember the very first time we saw queer as folk, and the first words out of my mouth were "oh, that's how they do that!"? HA!
are you having a starter? i'm not. i never have starters. yes i will. i'm having a starter. blimey! look at all these starters!
classic.
laura, i got the tickets and they were $12 plus like $13 surcharge. no, it was only $2.50 or something surcharge. a day will come when the surcharge is more than the ticket and i will not be surprised in the least.
hey emily, remember when we graduated high school? that was a long time ago. hey, remember mr. wright? do you remember edie something who had a beehive hairdo and won a date with mr. wright? i wonder how that went. remember tying bidisha or melissa to a table with ribbon? remember how i was extremely religious for like 6 months? what's up with that?
yes, folks, i was extremely religious for like 6 months. those 6 months overlapped with the time in which i wrote my senior quote in the yearbook so that thing is all religious. i regret that a lot.
remember when we worked at target and one time we laughed so hard i thought my guts were going to explode out of my body? because you were making a donkey noise? HAHA! and charlie and angela worked there too.
hey, how about when we were at a concert and sarah made some un-sarah-like (at the time) comment about how the song was like an orgasm?
how about when on saturdays we'd always be like "are you going to breakfast?" and it would always be a huge deal (for me anyway) to get up and go to breakfast.
there was this one time when dan wanted to go to mcdonalds and like 50 people latched on to the idea, and by the time everyone was ready we got there and it was closed, and he was pissed. so we went to big mike's.
hey, remember kirk penney's twin? and HATMANDU? hahaha! hatmandu!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! and omar! and...jason's roommate luke...and darth maul, and mel, who always sang the same song at the talent show.
how about peter! and ryan "these boots are made for walkin'" and braden.
i miss you guys so much.
POD. with a unifying goal to roll a ball across the hallway.
