damn!!!

well, here i am back to talk about something that was annoying to me this weekend. my dad's wedding was this weekend and i'll discuss that later, but of particular interest to you is the fact that i was escorted down the aisle (to my seat, but "in" the wedding processional) by sandy's nephew patrick. i had never met the guy before. the other day bright was telling me "maybe he's your future husband. people always meet at weddings."

 

so i met him at the rehearsal and tried to be my "funny" self but he was having none of it. he is really cute, by the way. for emily's reference: he looks kind of like mr. wright, but not as tall. he's like an inch taller than me. so i was trying to strike up conversations and be funny. conveniently, he was never around when i made my best jokes.

 

everyone came to our house on friday night for dinner and i talked to him a tiny bit then. it consisted of me finding out from other sources that he is 24 and lives in st. paul (??!?!?) so we discussed for a very brief time where i lived in st. paul and what we do for a living (he does graphic design). that was about it between us that night.

 

so then on the actual wedding day, he escorted me down, we had the wedding, and then i totally forgot what to do at the end of the ceremony. i just sort of waited there and he came down to get me. then i sort of whispered to him on the way back, "i had no idea what to do, if you were going to come get me or if i just got up myself." he just kind of went "huh".

 

the worst part of all was this. i was standing in the receiving line and here comes patrick. i said to myself, i'll tell him a joke. this was my joke: "hey, you're the person who escorted me! my name is elizabeth." he just gave me this look and goes, "congratulations..." and walked away. i felt like the hugest tool in the whole universe. christ. if there was ever a moment when i ruined the chance for anything, that may have been it.

 

i also wanted to tell him on friday that his shirt was really soft, but that may have been out of line.

 

later on i thought, well, he is sort of my cousin now, so i guess maybe it would be weird if we dated. what do you think?

 

anyway, later sandy was talking about how her nieces were trying to "hook up" with my cousins on the other side and various other dating scenarios, and how funny patrick is, and how great all these various people are, and i felt bad. what about me?????? i LIKE to think that i'm at least funny. maybe i'm not a desirable person in any other way, but i would still like to be considered funny.

 

i'll just tell myself that maybe it is because i am a daughter figure in the situation, rather than a farther removed person. either that or everyone thought i was lesbian because sarah accompanied me to the wedding. either way, damn you patrick for not really talking to me, because i am cool. and also, i think i really need a boyfriend.

changes

weirdly enough, i just found out that saves the day released a new album two weeks ago, which i bought yesterday, and listened to, and it is painfully good...very like "stay what you are" and very, very saves-the-day-ish. it's so weird when bands have trademark chord progressions, or harmonies, or something. it is nice to have something new by them, because as i said a few days ago, the spark had left. someday i'll post a few lyrics in here and you will really see what makes them different from others.

 

ok, so on to my subject line. in the past few weeks my mental state has sort of been spiraling out of control. this ended in a really bad incident yesterday which i don't really want to talk about. thank fucking god i am on the highest possible dosage of my medication...that's all i'll say there.

 

i decided that i need to begin to discipline what enters and exits my mind. so, firstly i am going to stop writing in my blog, because it has been really destructive for me lately. i probably will only hold of for like a week (because i know you all love reading this so much - ha, ha). secondly, i am ONLY listening to sigur ros, indefinitely. too bad for my new saves the day album, but you will need to wait. actually, i started this yesterday, and incidentally i went shopping and in the store on popped a death cab song (lack of color). i was like, "god, why did you do this to me?" thirdly, i am limiting my internet time, which will be difficult since i spend 40 hours a week on the internet. but i actually mean free time. so i am going to update my website today, and after that it will be checking news and email.

 

hopefully that stuff will allow me to be able to focus on other things, such as books, or even stargate or something. anyone remember (i guess maybe only emily knew me at the time) one time when i only allowed myself to watch x-files and no other television? how about when i ate kosher? haha. i apologize to all for how i acted during that one. well, it's similar to those except for different reasons. hopefully i can return to a healthy blog-writing state, and also a healthy music listening state, and a healthier total state. see y'all on the flip side.

life aquatic

i finally just watched life aquatic (which by the way has the cutest dvd menu i've ever seen) and during the climax scene they played starálfur. it was really interesting because it was unlike any other music in the movie. i really liked the movie a lot.

depressing...

i remember taking a test like this once before and all of the results were depressing. you think they could put something slightly uplifting in there besides "good at saving money."

Global Personality Test Results

Stability (30%) low which suggests you are very worrying, insecure, emotional, and anxious. Orderliness (70%) high which suggests you are overly organized, reliable, neat, and hard working at the expense too often of flexibility, efficiency, spontaneity, and fun. Extraversion (23%) low which suggests you are very reclusive, quiet, unassertive, and secretive.

Take Free Global Personality Test
personality tests by similarminds.com

depressed, introverted, neat, needs things to be extremely clean, observer, perfectionist, not self revealing, does not make friends easily, suspicious, irritable, hates large parties, follows the rules, worrying, does not like to stand out, fragile, phobic, submissive, dislikes leadership, cautious, takes precautions, focuses on hidden motives, good at saving money, solitary, familiar with the dark side of life, hard working, emotionally sensitive, prudent, altruistic, heart over mind, unadventurous

pictures (you think you're sick of emily and 3 posts? check out my 94th post of the day!)

franz ferdinand and the disconcerting photos and euro-boomerang-platform:

















here is ben at the beginning. he is the tiny lit up head at the piano, slightly right of center.













sort of pretty view of stage

















crappy picture of lights coming out of the house (the house even had a working door!!!)















here is a pretty well-lit picture. that's ben on the left, nick (bassist) in middle, chris (guitarist) on right, jason (drummer) on...the...drums.

















ben solo (be still my heart!!!) (and he sings a song called be still my heart! but it is not this one!)

I AM SORRY!

i had to write this because i just saw it in my notes.

 

anyone remember when dan (yellow shirt) had to play a "character" in the chadbourne olympics? and he just saw "character" on the one side of the card, and acted goofy? HAHA!

 

laura reminded me of that! i had totally forgotten!!!

friday afternoons

friday afternoons at work are awesome. there is literally nobody here and there hasn't been since like 4.

"Would I be competely out of line if I likened them to Jimmy Eat World? They sound kind of similar to me. Mind you, I've haven't spend a long time listening to them yet."

you would not really be out of line. when i first started listening to both of them, i likened them to each other as well. i got into them at the same time, i think (maybe jew first), and not only did they kind of sound alike at first, but ben and jim also looked alike. now they have different hair. it weirded me out looking at pictures of them the other day because jim's face generally looks nothing like ben's and i really thought in my mind for a long time that they were nearly twins or something. then again, a lot of pictures have ben in glasses and he doesn't wear them all the time. anyway....................

i appreciate your comments on the loving people thing. i wonder, is it the same for you and a.r., where you literally cannot help loving it so much, and you almost feel disturbed by it?

i guess there really isn't much more to say about that. it is difficult to write about because it takes a lot of thought. last night i think i was sufficiently tired so i didn't think too much, and therefore it came out all weird, almost like stream of consciousness.

franz ferdinand

franz ferdinand was funny. they had a boomerang-shaped platform that the drums and keyboard were on. or, if you prefer, it was rainbow-shaped with a pot of gold at the end and a sun in the middle. :D or, if you prefer, it was shaped like something else which none of us dared speak of.

for half of it they had a franz ferdinand graphic in the back and for half they had some weird pictures of themselves which were distracting. i have a very good picture of the stage with the distracting pictures.

they had a lot of strobe-light-age. they were also very loud. and they were very good and franz-ferdinand-y. during one song they had three people playing one drum set, and i thought that was awesome.

there was a drunk guy sitting next to me that was basically on top of me. his name was michael and he had dimples. he left after franz ferdinand and didn't come back, so i had plenty of space.

both laura and i were surprised that they didn't do "take me out". we were also very surprised that we were seeing franz ferdinand live, because it's one of those things you would never have guessed.

they did "matinee" (which they called "dark of the matinee" - is that its true title? i don't know). and it reminded me of my old days of listening to bbc radio. they used to play that every day. another one they played every day was "milkshake" by kelis, and also "fit but you know it" by the streets. it's weird hearing those songs because i swear to god i can hear the internet "noise" in them. you know, how internet radio has this creepy "noise" in it, kind of watery and tinny...funny.

death cab

death cab had not quite so spastic lighting. they also did not have a euro-looking platform in the shape of a penis. they had little houses with lights in them, and trees on the fabric in the background.

ben kept talking about first avenue and i was very proud that i had happened to wear my first avenue emo-style-hoodie that night. yay!

30 Helens Agree that ben has never been so talkative before! he told many amusing stories, including one time when they "crashed" at this woman's house who had free-reign gerbils and hamsters. that was a pretty good one. he also kept saying "thank you kindly" which i thought was exceedingly adorable. what else did he do? um, danced around and sang and looked adorable.

they played company calls (but not company calls epilogue, to my chagrin). one of the greatest wonders of the world will ever be the playing of company calls not followed by company calls epilogue. only because i love that song almost as much as transatlanticism. they also played title and registration, with the 2-electric-drum set, and what sarah said, which was incredible. and...president of what (which they always play, it seems). there is a speaking part on that on the album which i always say in my head hearing it live. also title track (third favorite song), passenger seat, soul meets body, crooked teeth, um...(laura, did they do marching bands of manhattan last time? i think so. this time they did not). maybe expo '86 (not sure about that)...new year, i will follow you into the dark, and i cannot remember any more.

what else can i say to waste more time? um...the opening band was called the cribs, from (warfield?) england. they had a coat of arms as their backdrop. i didn't really like them at all.

man, i'm excited for sigurros. i've been trying to think of why i call them sigurros to myself. i'm not sure. i was listening to the song "milanó" the other night and wondering at how beautiful it is. there are some string parts in it, and i could not believe how the violin could play like that. because it sounded like ice. it's really, really difficult to play that smoothly and quietly.

shite! thank god g-mail auto-saves, because i just hit backspace and it went back a page because i am also talking with brighton on chat. ok, i think this is enough of me for one day. maybe i'll do pictures later, but that's it.

post-concert depression

i hate post-concert depression. it pisses me off. i really feel horrible today.

 

emily, thanks for the comments! very nice and i will reply later. i am so glad you started listening. ben does have a wonderful voice. and he is so sweet. and lovable. my favorite song is transatlanticism (maybe my favorite song of any band ever), which to our surprise and delight, they played last night (last song). last time they didn't play it and i was really upset about it. i was hopeful because last time they played what sarah said last, and this time they played that in the middle so it seemed there was a good chance for transatlanticism to make an appearance.

 

i like marching bands of manhattan as well. and, i like what sarah said. i love the part when the singing starts, where there is an organ that starts in the background. a tiny detail, but it's gorgeous to me. and i like soul meets body because the melody is so unusual. what else? title and registration is one of the coolest to hear live because ben plays this 2-pad electric drum while singing. hehe! laura said one time it was broken when she saw them and it was sad.

 

**that reminds me that i have to discuss franz ferdinand a little bit. and i have some pictures of both bands that turned out pretty well.

 

laura and i both like we have the facts and we're voting yes. i can forward you on some songs from that (and other albums) if you wish.

 

also, i don't know if you got all of bsg, but the one i downloaded didn't have the last 6 or so episodes. so i bought them on itunes and can forward you those as well at some point.

 

well, i'm going to take a slightly early lunch today and blah.

just so you know

that last entry came out NOTHING like i meant it to. i thought i wrote it way differently, and then read it over and was surprised because it wasn't really what i meant to say. i think it's probably because i only got 4 or so hours of sleep last night and i'm basically loopy at the moment. i need a good cry. and then a snack. good-bye. "thank you kindly."

exhaustion

so, sometimes i wonder what makes people feel certain really deep emotions. for instance, right now i love ben gibbard more than anything in the entire world. i have thought about this. i love him at this moment more than:

 

london

coldplay

tom

stargate

any band/music thing

 

you see? that's pretty deep. i love him more than london? wow. even i am surprised. but it is true. it is kind of a selfish love, though. not a "true" one, really. one that makes you say, "if i was just around him for the rest of my life, i would want nothing else."

 

and why? i don't know. i don't know the guy, i have never been less than 20 feet from him and have only seen him in person 3 (4? can't remember) times. but it's what he does. it is amazing the power musicians have over people. i bet a lot of them don't know it at all. like, does ben know there is this person out there who, because she has some kind of emotional defect, is considering him the center of her heart? actually, he probably does know that.

 

i would think it would be hard. for one thing, it's not like i personally can help loving ben gibbard. he just is. so i'm guessing that it's the same for other people, and i'm sure some of those have let him know their feelings. it's probably really weird and stressful. i don't know if i would like random people worshipping me as a god. i would feel always in the spotlight.

 

i guess it's probably the connection this person has with things in your life. like, you were listening to this song when blah happened. listening to stuff is very personal. and death cab...i have listened to death cab so much that i've probably heard every song 500 times, and spent 6 total months if you put it back to back, or something obscene like that, listening to them. i listen to death cab more than any other band, by far. and it is "in" me, if you will.

 

i wish i wasn't such a tool about these things. it would be much easier if i didn't freak out about shit constantly. but i do. and i happily love ben because he is ben, and i cry at a lot of live shows. so what?

 

it just goes to show you the power of words, and of sounds, and movements. you put the right words in the right locations and you can do anything. you put the right sounds together, you move. and that is it.

a gret dey (scottish accent)

emily says something of me resembles g.p., two people say i look nice today because i'm wearing makeup...there's hope for me yet!!!!!!!! too bad i really should have gotten more sleep. time for lunch now. i have started creating an ad to post on here later. fun.

earliest wake-up time ever

i woke up at 6 this morning. aughhhh i'm going to regret it tonight...but hey, we get to see ben&chris&nick&jason. (and franz ferdinand). i got a compliment today that i looked nice because i don't wear makeup that often. yay.

fuckin' a

so ace got voted off...what the hell? i tried voting for him last night and it was busy to the end. there is something seriously flawed with the voting. seriously. plus, i just don't like this show anymore. i just am over it.

another picture

i have had the most random posts lately. here is a semi-bad picture that i took at the concert. it's so weird how cameras make it seem like you were 80 miles farther away than you actually were. we were pretty close.

the paltrow-martins

please ignore the horrible title on the british tabloid. i love the picture of c & g. i have never seen a picture of them together, so it's kind of weird. apple is 23 months, by the way.

replies

i wish i could reply to comments from email. as i mentioned in an earlier entry, i realized that you meant concerts, sarah, and i was exagerrating, and also, i wish i hadn't gone off so much. anyway i love dcfc and coldplay concerts, obviously, more than anything in the world. and i get to see death cab tomorrow! ben!!!!!!! :D

 

i'm going to try to post some pictures i found of apple, moses, gwyneth, and chris. maybe later though since i can't go on the actual site right now.

list

since i feel bad about my little tirade about hawthorne heights, and then sarah made it worse by mentioning how i didn't mention jim adkins, i thought i'd make it up to them by doing a list. and it will be similar to the list emily did a while ago about people she liked and didn't like. but mine will only be people i like. i had to cut out some people, but basically it is celebrities i love. and mainly you know them all. and now i am going to spend 80 hours trying to get photos on, and then get frustrated and give up. ok, that wasn't bad at all.












Michael Shanks
We all know I love him dearly and my greatest wish is to have a clone of him in heaven. I just think he is beautiful and hilarious and a wonderful actor.


Ben Gibbard

I had to get a full-body picture for some reason. While I was looking at some pictures I realized how similar he looks to Tom, which freaked me out. I was going to do a side-by-side comparison, but it was too painful. Anyway, B.G. is one of the best songwriters of our time, or maybe any time, and he is also beautiful and enchanting to watch, and his voice is one of my most valued things in life, if that makes sense. I hope to marry a guy like him someday.

Jim Adkins

Jim is, as you may know, the singer from Jimmy Eat World (although he wasn't always). I love him because he is an insane performer and when he's done with two songs he is covered in sweat. And, like Ben, I value the sound of his voice.

JT Woodruff

We all know what I think of him. Why can't I get a normal face picture? I found one and he looked like Rain Man or Forrest Gump, so I decided not to use it.


Conor Oberst

Isn't this adorable??? I love Conor because he writes the most unbelievable lyrics, and because somehow it's really difficult to find people that love him, so he's mine in a way, and because he's indie, and angsty, and ethereal.

Ed Harcourt

Ed's voice is the third that I couldn't live without. If you haven't heard it, I am sorry. I sometimes wonder why he isn't so popular, because he is really original, and very good. He not only plays guitar, as above, but piano, trumpet, and 80 other instruments, and sings. He is from Brighton. And he's just very sweet, and wonderful and everything you think a good guy should be.



Gwyneth Paltrow

So Lately I have been obsessed with this picture of her, which is from Estee Lauder's Pleasures perfume. This copy here makes her teeth look way too white. But the ones in magazines are so gorgeous. If there's anyone I wish I looked like, it's her. And she has the best life (obviously).

Anyway, that is my list. I didn't put members of Coldplay on because they are obvious. I left a few others off who I don't think of as often. So, now you know what takes up most of my time--being obsessed with famous guys and girl. Nah. It doesn't take up that much of my time, really. I just think, if I can't enjoy looking at guys, and enjoying things about them, especially if it's their job to entertain me, then life isn't really worthwhile.

jimmy eat world

since i can't reply to comments i'll just do this: of course i remember. i will forever love jim. there are many people i love. as i'm sure you all well know. jim, ben gibbard (who i truly love), conor oberst, etc. i need to start listening to jew more...

note: later i guessed that maybe you meant other shows i had been to. i know. it was just exaggeration. we all know how much i love dcfc and coldplay, so i hereby apologize for maybe seeming like i didn't appreciate them in concert, because of course i do and always will, more than anything else.

we out!

Dessert???!?!

Here is a picture of marrow pudding. Apparently it's a bunch of stuff like cream and butter mixed with marrow from beef bones. And I thought it was not actually marrow. I should have known better. And the best of all, it's packed in cleaned out pig intestines. YUM!!! What a wonderful dessert!!! In this picture, the marrow ones are in the center and rice puddings are around the outside.



To cancel that out, I have to show two pictures of hot guys.



I am JT and I am the personification of sexiness. Ok, this maybe isn't the best picture, but shit. I mean, he looks like he's in the midst of a certain very pleasurable experience, and he is singing, and it's just a perfect shot expression wise. [brain exploding]



I am Michael and I am the personification of gorgeousness. [brain exploding again...can't take very much of him at a time, i'm afraid] oh, he is so beautiful. how can a guy be this gorgeous?

p.s. i officially asked for vacation days for the stargate conference. yay!

bleak house

here is my synopsis on dickens' bleak house, the most gigantic and difficult and time-consuming book i have ever read.

some funny or interesting things from the book

- a kid named Peepy Jellyby
- "O my eye! Where can I move to!" [a kid who talked funny--I'm wondering if this was his way of saying "oh my"]
- Marrow puddings (I have to look up what those are)
- "Mangering is as necessary to me as it is to a Frenchman" ["manger" means "to eat" in French and this guy said it like it was the thing Jesus was born in]
- "He wouldn't have liked me dying at his place!" [A guy talking about how another guy died in the apartment he lives in and he is now creeped out by it]
- "He is devoid of the light of Terewth." [It took me forever to understand that meant Truth, and not some mystical land like Narnia]
- There was a guy who kept yelling stuff out randomly and one of his favorite sayings was "Brimstone devil" or "Brimstone idiot" or "Brimstone ____"...so one time he said "Brim--" and then thought better of it and ended with "my good friend" so it ended up to say "Brimmy" and he "appeared to have an impediment in his speech." hahaha.
- "Yes, you did say about ten. But, according to my count, it's ten times ten--it's 100 o'clock!"
- "Will somebody obleege me with a spitoon?" [That was said by Brimmy guy and made me laugh out loud...just try saying it out loud and you'll realize how hysterical it sounds]
- Someone had a visitor one time and it was "A person of the name of Michael Jackson in a blue welveteen waistcoat with a double row of mother of pearl buttons. [1. Michael Jackson in a weird outfit? Was C.D. psychic? 2. welveteen - haha. 3. Nice observation of fashion details there.]
- This sentence made me laugh: "It is not unlikely that you may inquireof me why Inspector Bucket, Mr. Woodcourt, and a lady call upon us in Cook's Court, Cursitor Street, at the present hour." [P.S. I looked up that place and there is indeed a "Took's Court" on Cursitor Street, off Chancery Lane, in London right now. I wonder what is there.]

So. What can I say about this book........I learned a little bit about English law in the 19th century, which seemed incredibly confusing. I learned that some illnesses they had altered their appearances. They would be in bed for like 4 months with these illnesses. I'm thinking that maybe it was tuberculosis? People died of what would now not be life-threatening. People frequently had multiple houses, one in the country and one in the city. Um...noble occupations were doctor, surgeon, lawyer, detective. A lot of people went into the army or navy. If you were poor you had a very, very shitty life. They drove places in carriages.

What else? Part of the reason it was so confusing was that there were approximately 97 sub-plots that were all different until the end when they finally all came together. Some sub-plots were said in the narrator's first-person voice and some sub-plots were said in a different third-person voice. That was also weird. One thing that I never fully comprehended was the different houses everyone was at. I don't even really know where Bleak House is supposed to be. The book goes between Lincolnshire and London. I think that Bleak House is in Lincolnshire, but I'm not sure. Upon looking at a map this afternoon I realized that Lincolnshire is way up north, on the east coast next to Manchester. They always talked like it was right next door so I was expecting it to really be right next door. But it's pretty far up there. However, in England you can go anywhere in a matter of hours, so whatever.

I'm getting the DVD of the version that was recently on Masterpiece Theatre. It stars Gillian Anderson. She was on the cover of the book I got.

I just don't even know what to write because there was so much. If you have a question, I guess you can ask. There you go. Like anyone really cares!!!